Hey, yeah there’s no music in this post. WAIT. COME BACK. I NEED YOU.
So, I’m sure a lot of you out there are fellow egoraptor fans. He’s been making some of my favorite interbutt videos for a while now, but recently he used his popularity to boost him on one stupid fucking show that I intend to watch until he gets kicked off. Here’s what you need to know about The Tester: It’s a Playstation made reality show where contestants who love collecting trophies and ruining the phrase “u jelly” for me compete to be on the God of War team. Personally? I don’t give a fuck about God of War. I don’t know why they’re still making God of War games. And, as someone who is fucking sick and tired of macho man games, I don’t know why anyone would want to be on that team. Unless, they make a Randy Savage game and call it like Savage War or something. That would be amazing.
So, like this show is the most typical fucking reality television you’ve ever seen. It even has that one super hoe from that show about a bunch of celebrities in the same house. Why? I…I don’t know. Apparently, having a hot host isn’t enough. They need a good looking judge that repeats “A time and a place” and “No one knows shameless better than me” over and over. They’ve also already resorted to forcing contestants to rub their faces on cockroaches like it’s 2002, so you know there’s nothing unique about the challenges to come.
The cast is actually pretty diverse, ranging from a latina hot momma who won’t shut the fuck up to a basement dweller that acts like a gangster. Most of them prattle on about trophies (those are like steam achievements, right?) and the girl gamers predictably talk about how they won’t let having a vagina get them down. And, listen. I’m all about girl power. I totally believe in embracing your period cycles, but stop acting like you got shit to prove. It comes across as a teensy bit insecure.
The show is exactly what you think it would be, but with the addition of egoraptor it’s completely a new beast. The producers of this show can’t get rid of him for at least five more episodes because if they do, this new surge of viewers will stop watching. Which means, of course, egoraptor can do and say whatever the fuck he wants. He’s not an abrasive or rude guy, so it’s mostly just him being cute and honest which turns out being extremely refreshing on a show centered around so many cliches.
He won’t win and if you’ll excuse my Joker mentality here, I don’t even want him to. I want his easygoing presence to be the thing that baffles and unwravels everyone around him. If anyone deserves to win, it’s the guy who admitted he memorized everything there is to know about Playstation: realitypales. That guy honestly loves Playstation. In fact, I bet he’s a robot the company built to prove that the Vita isn’t just for girls.
I don’t believe egoraptor even wants the “prize”. But, that’s a good thing. Wouldn’t it be nice to see a reality show that has one dude who genuinely is there just to entertain his fans?
So, watch this with me. Let me know what you think. Let’s start a knitting circle.